For the last ten years or so, blockbuster comicbook movies have been getting gradually less and less comicbook-y. That's not a criticism -- after all, The Dark Knight is a zillion times better than the
infamously godawful Batman & Robin, even if it does take place entirely in the dark and focus on a ridiculously good-looking billionaire being sad about how hard his life is -- but I did enjoy getting a chance to see a movie as shamelessly comicbook-looking as
Thor, because it really would have been impossible to make a story about sparkly alien god-beings seem super dark and serious. His weapon is a
magical hammer, hello.
![](https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/blogger_img_proxy/AEn0k_u0gTl8hJcmn8_R_vb4-5LAqg9TfR8r-3GVDcQ684h9oJ5fd9qHWHeXj-uztLPralhqEj1wfI4ixwabGSIG3ZOiqQYe_D9mYK4Lt7VoJmjzfQThNQxdIXrm8pCYQIKPm9a9Ty_LZJxsNy5-zsY=s0-d) |
As you can tell from his helmet, nobody in Asgard gives a shit about low doorways. |
(Also,
Thor is the first feminist superhero movie. It is! Read that article, it says it better than I ever could.)
I was a bit doubtful of Thor at first, especially since when I asked
my comicbook friend Michael whether it was just a film about an angry blond jock with an enormous hammer, he said, "YES, AND THAT'S WHY IT'S AWESOME." But once I saw it I had to agree that
while it was still a film about an angry blond jock with a hammer, it WAS awesome! It was 100% sparkles and explosions, and 0% tiresome Hollywood sexism! The hero had a convincing rapport with his love-interest, unlike Batman (Christopher Nolan, I love you, but why must all your female characters be cardboard cut-outs and/or dead?) or Spiderman (Mary Jane:
start carrying a taser, you get kidnapped like twice a week)! Thor and Loki's daddy issues were interesting and emotionally compelling, unlike the representation of pretty much
any other blockbuster hero's daddy issues ever.
![](https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/blogger_img_proxy/AEn0k_vztgdqi0YWn6xBq4mAD9GyDe4dQ87TZKpdLPBsZqm9xLDrtiLoUZB2AG0wpcoBRzUnh1rAe75WeV6LrScJQorGtgVCtfPGgufhLr5i0-Wvyy-8x0CdwSKRLevZoX6XB01Fz13MXAQTzg9yLEsxrEKU_6xLyaG3HW5iy9QKmNQyo-kKwvL9wCYNbTliG_xKCqKxrk22N05YWFRLdAGb7w=s0-d) |
Disco eyepatches are in! |
And it has some sparkleicious fantasy costumes, the likes of which have not been seen in years. I love the more "realistic" style of costumes used in LOTR and Harry Potter, but if they'd make
Thor all harsh-looking and mysterious it would have ruined it, I think. Much of this movie's appeal comes from the contrast between the over-the-top, rainbows-and-gold visuals of Asgard (where Thor is an alien prince with a magical hammer), and Natalie Portman's impoverished scientist lifestyle in New Mexico (where Thor is a hot yet possibly-crazy homeless man). If you haven't seen the movie then most of the Asgardian costumes in this post are going to look completely ridiculous, but I promise you that in the context of a civilisation of alien vikings (really
glam alien vikings, who despite the
very sound advice of
the superhero costume lady from The Incredibles, still have an ongoing love-affair with capes) they are perfectly acceptable.
![](https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/blogger_img_proxy/AEn0k_uGowHAVWXG6w-ZnResNRTC4AlFXOgUUDK7fLvD8Ro8mbjZb3cnNG_gtNEBQtGTEKjvQcmKYMr0kUt20iARY5bMwN7BeFgpF8JGZmV4MwdoOvx-t0X5bXLIm9QgSYUPRoNqeSSHlJPHKU0c1CJ3fABTOLE_nsYLCYg69jcusACvn3B1=s0-d) |
Asgard, land of sparkles. That long walkway in the middle is made of GLOWING CRYSTALS and is called the Rainbow Bridge, just FYI. |
OK, so for maximum shininess I'd put Heimdall first, even though he's a relatively minor character. Caveat: I have not seen an actor look so much look like an action figure in a
long, long time, maybe ever. Even Captain America did not look this much like an action figure, and Captain America practically
is an action figure.