Teen Wolf: "Fireflies".

Previously on Teen Wolf: Chaos Rising.

This episode was mostly about people running around and doing unnecessary backflips, but was still highly enjoyable because Morgan Leigh and I were briefly in the same country, meaning I got to watch it with her! True Internet Friendship is when you're happy to meet someone from Twitter at the house of a complete stranger in order to watch a show about teen werewolves at 9.30am on a Tuesday.

Anyhow, in lieu of a "real" "review", you're going to get an itemized list of all the things that were super-awesome about this week's Teen Wolf. Because let's face it: at least 50% of this episode was slow-motion shots of people snarling at each through pointy dentures. (The other 50% was Isaac Lahey's snood.)

1. Chris Argent
The third participant in Teen Wolf brunch was my friend Jackie, who had never seen the show before and was thoroughly confused by the entire experience. Morgan and I tried to explain things (Scott is a Teen Wolf. Shirts vanish for no reason, all the time. And Dylan O'Brien deserves to win 30 EGOTs for having beautifully expressive eyelashes.) but in the end we just gave up, because Teen Wolf is too sublime for explanations. Jackie just had to interpret things for herself. Like for example, the fact that famed Hot Dad Chris Argent is totally Ser Jorah from Game of Thrones. How had I not noticed this before?? Badass fight skills! Unabashed love of the Matriarchy! Facial scruff! Sad puppy emotions! Unfailing loyalty! Hot Dadness! It's all so clear to me now. SER JORAH: WEREWOLF HUNTER.

Chris Argent's role in this episode was particularly beautiful because it really highlighted how stupid everyone else is. Ditto Allison, to be honest. One of the best moments in "Chaos Rising" was when, after Derek, Stiles and Scott had spent 12 hours frantically trying to figure out how to break into a derelict bank vault, Allison just walked through the fucking door. ARGENTS. THEY'RE JUST SO COMPETENT. Meanwhile Derek, Isaac and Scott stand around like the male models in Zoolander, just before one of them lights a cigarette near a petrol pump and blows everyone to smithereens.

2. Ms Blake
Or, as Jackie called her, Jenny Calendar from Buffy the Vampier Slayer. I loved Ms Blake in this episode, for similar reasons to why I love Pepper Potts. Never mind the fact that her reasons for actually being there (working really late at the school?? Fetching paper from a poorly-lit boiler room, because a damp underground cavern is a good place to store office supplies??) were kind of dubious.

Female characters are often perceived as being one of two extremes: total badass, or total damsel. If you're fearless and able to kick everyone's ass, that's awesome. But if you're not like that, then you must be pathetic. I always found it pretty weird that some people saw Pepper Potts as somehow "weak", just because she wasn't Lara Croft, and I feel like Ms Black may fall into the same category. I liked the fact that she was clearly shit-scared to be down in that basement, because that was a completely realistic reaction to the situation. Much like Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Teen Wolf strikes a good balance between "tough" characters (ie, werewolves; people like Allison who have actually had training), and people for whom it makes perfect sense to be scared when a fanged hellbeast is coming at you in an enclosed space.
I've already received a message from someone asking if I thought the Derek/Ms Blake undertones were poorly handled, but honestly I thought it was great? It made sense for Derek to stay with her while Isaac and Scott took care of Cora and Boyd. Derek was probably too weak to carry a body very quickly, but also Isaac and Scott are both students. This way, Ms Blake wouldn't have to learn their secret. Plus -- and this is just a personal theory -- I think seeing Ms Blake was almost like a reward for Derek? Not in the sense that "Ms Blake is a reward", because that trope is THE WORST, but more because it's so rare for Derek to a) successfully do a good thing, and b) see actual real-life proof that he's helped someone. He went into that basement expecting to either die, kill his sister, or both, so seeing Ms Blake alive and relatively calm was a near-unique example of a Nice Things Happening To Derek Hale.
Re: shipping it, I admit I'm already intrigued by the possibility of a Derek/Ms Blake relaysh, not least because she's an older woman. Was Kate Argent one of Derek's teachers while they were having their affair, or is that just a fandom thing? Either way, it adds different connotations to the Derek/Ms Blake dynamic than if they were the same age -- or if Derek had a different history. But Ms Blake seems classy and nice, and Derek needs some of that in his life (not to mention, adult companionship other than his psychotic undead uncle). Who cares if the first time she laid eyes on him, he was covered in blood and they were locked in an unlit boiler room? In Beacon Hills, that's practically a meet-cute!

3. Derek Hale's never-ending agony.

"LOL." -- Jeff Davis.

Derek and Scott were pretty much equal when it came to tragic stupidity in this episode, but at least they seemed very, very aware of it all the way through. Scott's high point was when he emotionally manipulated Chris Argent into helping them, whereas Derek's finest achievement was... not killing his sister? Probably? God. That guy's life really sucks.

GIFs via the Teen Wolf Tumblr.

4. Stiles Stilinski's enormous bambi eyes, glistening with unshed tears.
Also: imagine a show where Allison, Chris and Stiles all worked together in a well-organised team. EVERYONE'S PROBLEMS WOULD BE SOLVED. Although I can't help thinking about how hilarious it would've been if all those murders had nothing to do with virginity. GUYS, STILES' LINE OF QUESTIONING IN THAT HOSPITAL ROOM WAS SO SKETCH. "So, traumatised girl... why were you camping out in the forest with your girlfriend? Nothing weird, my dad's totally a cop. He asks this kind of questions all the time." STILES.

5. Isaac Lahey.
Isaac Lahey's face. Isaac Lahey's snood. Every line of dialogue spoken by Isaac Lahey. ALL OF WHICH IS MADE DOUBLY HILARIOUS by the fact that his characterisation is just allll over the place. Like, some stuff can (I GUESS) be explained away by the fact that he's a traumatised 17-year-old who lives in the a giant, echoing Gotham City apartment with an even more traumatised 24-year-old who bit him and turned him into a monster, but, like... no.
Morgan and I were continuously dying of Isaac all the way through Fireflies because remember when he was a tearful, confused child whose father locked him in a refrigerator?? Remember when he was a stone cold psycho at the end of season 2?? Remember when he was adorable and kind of crushing on Scott?? Remember in this episode, when he was a bitchy sassbasket and wore a stylish hipster snood while out on a fun murder trip to the forest?? REMEMBER HOW ALL OF THOSE ARE THE SAME PERSON? He's just a multifaceted guy, I guess. 

6. Lydia
Someone fetch me a stiff drink. Every time I think about Lydia, I fall into a pit of despair. WHY CAN'T NICE THINGS HAPPEN TO HER. WHY IS NO ONE HELPING HER WHEN SHE'S CLEARLY HAVING A MENTAL BREAKDOWN. Why doesn't she take off her 4-inch stiletto heels when standing next to a corpse-garnished swimming pool in the middle of the night.

Sterek Rating: x/10 (No interactions.)
Shirtlessness: A shocking ZERO occurences.
Snoodwatch 2013: 8/10. A very impressive showing, but it's always important to strive for improvement.
Dylan O'Brien EGOT alert level: Off the charts, as per usual.

Thought for the week: I still yearn for someone to explain the logistics werewolf facial hair. WHY NO HEAD HAIR ON BALD BOYD? WHY NO MOUSTACHES ON ANYONE, EVER? Does Cora have tons of hair extensions IRL, or is that a werewolf transformation thing? And where does everyone's hair go when they turn back into humans? Does it get sucked back into their follicles?? A mystery for the ages. 

 Previously on Teen Wolf.