Loki was just misunderstood! Oh yeah, and some stuff from Milan Fashion Week as well.

I was looking at the new Milan Fashion Week shows in an attempt to think of some kind of cohesive theme for my first post on this blog, but then I got distracted by Thor. :/

Manish Arora

Last season Manish Arora had a kind of Bladerunner thing going on (some of it spectacular), but this year's theme appears to be: the movie Thor mated with the 1960s. First up, magical sparkly space-viking armour dresses:

*wipes away tear* I'm sorry, you guys. I just really love Thor, OK. It makes no attempt whatsoever to be adult or dark. Instead it gives you Chris Hemsworth riding a space-horse across a bridge made of rainbows, and Anthony Hopkins wearing a gold eyepatch:

The tragic tale of a young outcast dealing with his father's betrayal, and his conflicted relationship with his dumb-but-sweet brother who likes to hit things with a big hammer. In a world where everyone wears impractically voluminous capes and sparkly armour at all times, despite having perfected intergalactic travel and having magical powers. Why that movie didn't end with Loki and Thor, a) hugging tearfully, and b) becoming co-rulers of Asgard with Loki doing logistics and Thor making public appearances with his shiny shiny hammer, I just do not understand.

Look at those eyes, Thor. Why can't you two just get along?

 Anyway, check out that colour palette of iridescent metallic whatsits and tell me it isn't a tad Asgardian:

Shoulder-armour always makes me wonder about the chicken-or-egg situation regarding the relationship between sci-fi and reality. As in: jules Verne invents the submarine; Star Trek invents the fliptop mobile phone; Minority Report invents those rad touchescreen computers that actually look kind of tiring to use in real life unless you're an orchestral conductor. Which came first: silly catwalk fashion shoulder-armour, or the kind you get in every post-apocalyptic action movie ever?

Poor baby

If you've got a female character who has to do a bunch of fighting, you can be certain three things will be covered: her vagina, her nipples, and her shoulders. I guess vagina and nipples because you don't want to be censored, and shoulders to prove that she's a Fighter without having to do anything so sensible as, say, cover any internal organs. Not that I want to hate on Xena's "armoured" outfit, of course, because Xena is awesome. But you know what? Here's another thing I liked about Thor: Sif's entire body was covered with just as much armour as her bros-in-arms, and she actually looked less silly than several of them. Hello, Loki looks like he could be defeated by a low doorway.

But enough of me weeping over Tragic Misunderstood Loki, let's look at some pictures of really uncomfortable-looking models wearing torso-cages:

There's a whole intestine thing going on with the top half of this outfit, and I don't know if I'm comfortable with it.

I LOVE those birds! Not wild about the foot-jeans though. Is the hoof look in this season, or something?
 

Here's where the 1960s part comes in:

P.S. Anyone who wants to see the most adorable piece of Loki fanart ever should click here. I don't know who made it, but it's amazing.

Jil Sander

Jil Sander's colour-blocking skirts blew the critics out of the water last spring. No pressure or anything. Luckily, they managed to produce several outfits that, even if they don't reach the iconic status of those bright yellow sacks last year (seriously, they may be a groundbreaking style revolution, but they still look like the original sketch was by a 3-year-old practising shapes with crayola colours -- although I guess they look pretty much the same on any body shape, which is a plus?), are guaranteed to appear repeatedly in the fashion pages for the next couple of months.

Slap a paisley print on something I'm pretty much guaranteed to like it more, plus these slim, tailored suits have somehow managed to retain the Jil sander "I'm so clean and neat I can wear the busiest pattern in existence and still look like I was born in IKEA" look.

Aquilano Rimondi

You know, there have been a lot of these high-fronted chest-panel dresses this season (Fendi was a standout), and while I find them interesting I also find them irritating because they're so clearly designed for flat-chested women: ie, not many women. This is one of the times when what I find aesthetically interesting or appealing goes to war with the obvious fact that many designers are ignoring a lot of prospective customers. However, I suppose that "innovative fashion + only wearable by models" is better than "boring + only wearable by models", and it's not exactly news that catwalk fashions aren't designed with the lumpen masses in mind.

This show is incontrovertible proof that I will look at an otherwise mediocre silhouette dress and find it delightful because the fabric resembles 18th-century French upholstery/wallpaper. (N.B. I think this dress would be ideal for Blair from Gossip Girl to wear.)

Frankie Morello

I hate seeing a catwalk full of [INSERT DESIGNER NAME AND/OR LOGO HERE] t-shirts. It reeks not only of desperation but lack of inspiration. People will buy t-shirts with a designer's name written on them regardless of what's going on at Fashion Week, so why bother with featuring them in a show? The only time I give this a free pass is when the models come on wearing brand t-shirts for the encore only, as in Betsey Johnson's New York show this week. (Which is on youtube here and here, BTW -- it's totally kitschy, I love it.)

I think Frankie Morello was going for a "fun" theme of Italian tourist shops, but it didn't hit the mark. There's a difference between referencing cheesy giftshops and actually wearing them.

Gondola hat. Colosseum belt. Leaning tower of pisa hat. Are you kidding me here?

Salvatore Ferragamo

I find the difference between Ferragamo's menswear and womenswear to be quite baffling, but sometimes you just see something that goes, KAPOW!

Sorry, Jil Sander. This is the colour-blocking for me.

  

 Roberto Cavalli

Emporio Armani

I love the humble shirt-collar, and I'm interested always to see new things being done with it. I wish I could find a picture of this shirt from the back.

I can see this accessory selling like hotcakes. Or at least seeming to sell like hotcakes, since it's so recogniseable that two people wearing it would probably be interpreted as a trend.

Giorgio Armani

I love this type of look where one smaller belt goes over the top of a larger one, or a single tapering belt is wrapped around itself. For the waist especially, a wide belt is always way more flattering, and I find a large, fabric belt with smaller one tied over the top looks more sleek and interested than a buckle. I wish I'd been able to take photos at the textile design show I went to last night, because there were some great double-layered skirts of that type by a young embroidery designer named Morven Strachan. 

All close-up photos like this one are from NYmag.com. All full-length pics are from style.com.